The 4 Things Holding Grudges Will Help You With
Grudges are powerful. They help you maintain attitudes of disdain towards those that have wronged you. They keep you from forgetting the bad that was done to you. They prevent you from rebuilding bridges that have been damaged by others, protecting you from feeling the hurt again.
Some people say to forgiveness is better than staying angry. They will say that grudges make us unhappy and that they lead to spite. People say that grudges damage relationships, but if you think about it, the person that harmed you was the one that damaged the relationship first. By forgiving them, you give them the chance to do it again.
So how do grudges help us?
- Keeps you in a negative mental space
Grudges make us negative. Holding a grudge means that you are holding onto on the mistreatment of someone else. By thinking about that wrongdoing, you are forcing negative emotions upon yourself.
“Why would I want to be in a negative mental space?” you may ask. It’s simple: when you are in a negative mental space, you do not allow anyone to hurt you further. You are already hurt. You already feel broken and in pain. Next time something bad happens, it will be less impactful on you mood than if you were in a good mood.
2. Reminds you who your are enemies are
Grudges are a constant reminder of the people that have hurt you. Your enemies. It keeps offenses done to you in the back of your mind, where you can dwell on them.
Sure, you could forgive them, but that would require humility and give them the chance to hurt you again. The safer choice is to harbor the hate, and not let go.
3. Hurts those that hurt you
Usually, holding a grudge hurts the people that have hurt you as well. People generally want to be forgiven for the things they have done, and feel worse when someone does not grant them that forgiveness.
Holding a grudge is one way to get revenge on someone that has hurt you. It does not allow them to enjoy your friendship. It makes them feel guilty for what they have done. But don’t worry, they deserve it for whatever they did to you.
4. Thickens our hard outer shell
Our outer shell it what makes it hard for people to get close to us. In any new friendship, you must break through the outer shell of the person you are getting to know. Only then can we really get to know someone.
By holding grudges against those in our past, we strengthen our walls holding new people out. The more we prevent others from getting near to us, the more we can protect ourselves from getting hurt by them.
Grudges protect you
If we hold grudges, they make us part of who we are. They consume our thoughts. They affect our friendships. Grudges keep us from letting people hurt us twice, and if we’re really good at holding grudges, it will even make it hard to trust people in the first place.